This Stupid Leaf
by CyberDreamer
Summary: Tatsumaru, having carried a resurrection leaf, bides his time in limbo and reflects on his past deeds.


**This Stupid Leaf  
  
**

Tatsumaru's POV. He's hanging in limbo because of the stupid resurrection leaf he'd forgotten he had, but he doesn't want to go back to life just yet... Silly boi.  
  
Shit.   
...SHIT.  
I completely forgot about this damned leaf, this stupid leaf. Kagami gave it to me and told me that tonight, I simply had to have it. Too much at stake, I suppose, for her to risk losing me.  
And THAT didn't sound egotistical at all.  
She has one - had one - too. I know that much. So maybe she's sharing this dark, cold space with me. Somewhere. Or maybe she's come back to life already, and abandoned the Fire Demon. And she's waiting for me. Won't she be surprised when I don't come back... I can't go back to the world yet. Feeling the distant heat of the blazing Fire Demon around me, and the cold of this place against my skin... it's soothing. It's giving me time to think. The Ninja Rebirth will only happen when I decide it's time to live again. And it's not time yet.  
_Ayame....._ Wonderful. I'm hearing things now.  
Or maybe that's just limbo playing a trick on me. But that's getting me thinking now. About Ayame... poor girl. She used to follow me like Semimaru followed Rikimaru, except for that fact that _I_ didn't slip bits of meat to her under the table.  
That just didn't sound right.  
She had big plans for the future, for us. She really loved cherry trees. According to her, we were going to grow up, and live under a cherry tree with our seventeen kids. It was cute... It was really cute... And it appeals to me now, more than Kagami's. She wants to rule the ninja world with me as her king. That dream is still worth living for, at least the ninja world part... But Ayame's hopes are so much more simple, more practical. More peaceful.  
A part of me wants to keep Ezayui and keep up my current lifestyle, fighting with Kagami. But another part wants to pass the sword to Rikimaru, sweep Ayame off her feet, and carry her far away, where the troubles of this lifetime can't reach us. Where I don't have to keep myself on edge every minute, worrying about pesky Azuma ninja and the magnificent dream...  
I can't help wondering what, besides love, kept me beside Kagami. Her plans were so passionate, so real... and I think she really was devoted to me. Like Semimaru was devoted to Rikimaru... like Ayame was devoted to me... I've got to stop making comparisons. What am I going to _do?_  
Ayame might accept me back. It might take some persuasion, but if she still loves me, then she'd come around. Rikimaru would take some time to win over... I hurt him. I desperately wish I hadn't, but I hurt him. His eyesight hasn't gotten any worse, as far as I can tell... Kagami, if not for the leaf, would be dead because of him.  
...Kagami. My lady Kagami... I don't rightly know if I can simply leave her. I love her. She's so utterly different from Ayame. She's focused. Cool. Collected. She controls her emotions, she's an excellent fighter...  
_Hah!_ There it is. The Azuma ninja are stronger than she is! Rikimaru killed her, recovering eye and all. ...Oh...ouch...that was painful to think... Phew. Ayame, if she'd had the fortitude, would have been able to kill me. That's a disgrace. Or it would have been, under different circumstances. Why did I go after her? I would never have been able to kill my Ayame.  
Stupid emotions. Stupid love. I wish I hadn't carried this stupid leaf with me! I wish I could die, redeem myself, and leave both Kagami and Ayame behind, and leave Rikimaru too! Leave them all... and just sleep...  
But I can't. I know I have to see Kagami, and then I have to go to Ayame. And stay there. And find a big cherry tree and marry her. That's what I have to do; that's what I want  to do. That's what I'm going to do.  
I can smell the mint of the resurrection leaf doing its job. It's going to put me back into my body, which has, from what dim things I can feel, just slipped into the water. What was that about the Ninja Rebirth? No swimming for half an hour?  
Oh, screw it. I'm going to find my Ayame.


End file.
